Rhythms and Disorders

I thought of writing this morning as I was drifting to sleep after I had just gotten home from my overnight shift at work. Due to an oversight, I was without one of my "hour of sleep" medications. My mind focused on sounds in the house as I strained to keep my eyes closed: the sound of my Siamese eating cat food in the kitchen, the sound of our dog adjusting his body on the bed and sighing as if he had completed his bravest day. I wished for the crashing waves of the dishwasher mid-cycle and was only able to drift away having created its rhythm in my mind. Now, as I write, I am at work again and the sound of the dishwasher has brought me back to this page.

Wiki defines Rhythms as such: A movement marked by the regulated succession of strong and weak elements, or of opposite or different conditions.

As I process the definition of my mood disorder- My God, it makes me start to cry just typing those words in any sort of way that suggests unhostile ownership-... Again, as I process the definition of my mood disorder, I think that it sounds so much more artistic and evenhanded to consider a person Birhythmic rather than Bipolar. 

Bipolar : A psychiatric diagnostic category, previously called manic depression, characterized by mood swings between great energy (manic) and clinical depression.

One acknowledges pattern, intensity, and power through the words of an observer, a listener, a being in the presence of another. The other describes a being as they exist within their symptoms, their opposing walls of emotional dysregulation. Ah there, now I see it...dysregulation versus regulation. Well, my chosen definition could easily assimilate the two.

Birhythmic Disorder: A movement through life marked by a dysregulated succession of strong and weak emotional elements that are characteristically expressed through moods of great energy or sadness.

 
In rereading this post I can see how obviously my disorder interacts with my writing.   

I guess I will keep taking my meds.